just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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