Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Nicole vs. Life
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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