My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
honey bunches of taint.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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