Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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