It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
