2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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