The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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