I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
