I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
