Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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