if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
