He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dignity is for republicans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
