Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
