Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
