You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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