Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
