Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Never joke about your clitoris.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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