TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you had me at cake vodka
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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