love makes seman taste better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
third nipple confirmed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
