ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
