He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
