oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
