if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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