I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
