Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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