Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
