There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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