someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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