I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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