I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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