There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
