This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
