Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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