I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
