wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
God, I missed his penis.
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