You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
