I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
