Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
