Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
