its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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