I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize