Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
