Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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