I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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