I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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