Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
