we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
