lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
