you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
