Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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