the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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