I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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