his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can I color on your dick again?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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