It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
