Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His hands were made for my vagina.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
