oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
birth control should be required to get into college
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
