I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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