i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
