life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
