First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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