winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she told me i tasted like america
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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