Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
