I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
