At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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