I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
