based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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