I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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