the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
