I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
