I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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