i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
