Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
