You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
