it hurts more in the daytime
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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