I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
