Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
