good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Randomize
