your parents love me but you hate me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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