WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
