yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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