She went from zero to smokin in five shots
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
