How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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