i permit you to call me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
