Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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