You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
