I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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