i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
