I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
