Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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